no z0mb|3s h3r3! [entries|friends|calendar] Ty [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Poems and life. [15 Jul 2006|01:06am] [ mood | distracted ] [ music | School Rumble OP- SCRAMBLE ] I just found this again somewhere in my stuff as I was packing. Well, Jaime found it really, but still. I wanted a place to keep it, just in case; ergo, internets, I share it with you. David Ray "The Greatest Poem in the World" Once, in Crete, I was asleep near the sea. The room was cold and I woke with the greatest poem ever about to be written in my head. I heard waters running under stone. Searched for a light, searched for a fire, nothing. Shivering, I wrote the poem on the sheet, in the dark. It was a great poem, and first thing in the morning, to celebrate, I ran out and took a swim. It was marvelous to have written the greatest poem in the world. It summed up everything. On the way back from the sea's great reward and kiss of me I saw the women doing laundry in a huge boiling pot, three women. They had already washed away the greatest poem in the world with their greatest pot in the world. And I hadn't memorized it, the sea had taken it. And I stood weeping in the smoke, wind hitting the caverns in my head.

[12 Jul 2006|08:00pm] In other news: GHIBLI IS MAKING AN EARTHSEA MOVIE. ....kayI'mdone.

... [27 Jun 2006|11:55pm] There are a million and one worlds in her head and all of them-- every single one of them-- are real.

Bleached beginnings [19 Jun 2006|12:57am] Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm going to have to disappoint you here, too. I'm tired and dying of con-plague from AMA. Which, by the way, was awesome. I met so many rad people, and my Nanao costume owned the face. So. I sleep now. See y'all around. I miss my taichousama. And my Ichi-pon. And it's only been 11 hours. xoxo__Ty

Blast... [31 May 2006|01:53am] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | Glamorous Sky-BLAST ] I watched this and cried for five minutes straight. ....reasoning coming later. I just think you all should watch it now. xoxo__Ty

[15 May 2006|09:31pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | The Emo Song ] A day in points: ~My prehensile toes own you. ~Jake and I are champion tag-team shoe-tiers. ~My hair is now red. Ish. ~Opening at Showmars is fun. I didn't stop moving for 3.5 hours straight. I WILL have Seifer and either Sexyroth or Utena done before AZ. Period. xoxo__Ty PS~I like me again.

Why Warlocks Win [06 May 2006|05:48pm] [ mood | itchy ] [ music | freckles kcp re-edit ] Said a mage to a lock, as they sat on the ground: "My class are the baddest bus drivers around! One minute in Felwood, pursued by a bear; Next minute in Ironforge to rest and repair." "That's all very well," the lock said with a snort, "But clearly it's better to summon than port -- As much as it's better to ride than to crawl. You drive people away, but they come when we call." "That's as it may be," the mage finally allowed, "But we truly excel in control of the crowd. If too many trolls stand between us and treasure, We turn them to sheep to be sheared at our leisure." "Sheep are cute," said the lock, "and quite fit for a dip, But they don't have the style of a corset and whip. My demon can charm any orc till he purrs -- I just loot their chests while they're staring at hers." The mage was struck silent, but answered at last: "Our water's essential to make things go fast. Just think of a raid with no water at all -- You'd start out in spring and not finish till fall!" "Water's nice," said the lock, "for those folks who can't tap; But remember one thing when your raid turns to crap -- When all priests are down and the tank has been owned: You may bring the drinks, but we get people stoned." -some random guy on the WoW lock forums-

My backpack's got jets! [27 Apr 2006|08:18pm] [ mood | chillin ] [ music | Fett's Vette-MC Chris ] JAIME MADE ME AN ICON AND I LOVE IT YES. ... I want Boba Fett gear. Hot Topic has Boba Fett hoodie. And Boba Fett wristband. Someone needs to make me a present of a Boba Fett hoodie even though I don't really need one. ♥ I really am on a Fett kick right now, and I dunno why. Whatev! xoxo__Ty

The best macaroons in South London [25 Apr 2006|12:56am] [ mood | chill ] [ music | Veni Veni- Helium Vola ] If Moldyshorts had kept his nose in his own business and Sirius and James had been a little more supportive, Peter Pettigrew would not have grown up to be Wormtail, lackey of Sir Hissyface. Instead, he would be Pietre LePettigrue, owner and head pastry chef of Chez Souris, le patisserie des ètoiles! ..xD I find roleplaying to be one of my favorite pastimes lately. As far as cons go. I'm planning on hitting AZ, AMA, Otakon, and AUSA. As far as cosplay for AZ, these things are coming with me: Jenova's Witness. Wicked Lady. KH2 Seifer. And maybe AC Yuffie. AMA? Seifer, Yuffie, and Utena. Otakon, Dizzy, Utena, And either Seifer or Yuffie. I love my Seifer. Even though it's not together yet. It's going to be the most comfortable thing ever. Beanies FTW. Also, AC Yuffie boots are impossible to find and it sucks. Knee-high lace-up converse style boots in a grey-khaki color. Rawr. I am looking forward to cons. It will be a good year. I love people and the world in general, though not much of it in particular. Or maybe it's the other way around. Whatever. Stuff has happened and I'm too lazy to type about it. I'm going to bed now, kthx. xoxo__Ty

Meme thingy. [11 Apr 2006|07:02pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | BLAZE-Kotani Kinya ] Every person on your flist gets to request a drabble (real drabble: 100 words exactly) from you. In return, they have to post this in their journal and write a drabble for you. Post all fandoms in which you're willing to write. Your friends can pick a relationship, a story arc, a missing scene, or pretty much anything they want, unless the author has previously mentioned that they will not write it. They comment with what they want, and you write drabbles and post it in your LiveJournal. Sozyeah. I'll write most anything, as long as I'm familiar with the characters and/or fandom. Stretch my creativity, people. Most of y'all here know what I watch/have seen and do not watch/have not seen. And if you're not sure one way or the other....well ASK, der. I anxiously await requests.

[10 Apr 2006|11:27pm] [ mood | snarky ] [ music | Utena musical ST ] If I had just said the opposite, I'd have the opposite. FUCKING SINCERITY. NOBILITY. Sure, I want him to mean it. But damned if it wouldn't have been nice to have him anyway. Completely sincere or not. ... I'm okay, really. I promise. Mostly. I just don't know whether I'm laughing or crying. I meant what I said, I wanted him to be sure. But really, I hope the powers-that-be get as much of a kick out of my life as I do. I will die of emotional old age before I turn thirty. ~meh

[10 Apr 2006|12:09am] How can something I expected hurt so much? Why am I crying How can I pretend How can I be okay? I want to be okay for you Still I want to not let it hurt. How can something that was nothing hurt so much? Nothing has really changed It's all still the same So it's okay, right? I'll be okay for you Still I'm not sure I'll be all right. edit, entry made public: //I never want to hear another fucking love song again.//

Wiki meme-thing [09 Apr 2006|12:21am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Kageshoujo song from the Utena musical ] Look up your birthday (minus the year) on wikipedia and post three facts, two births, and a death that seem interesting. FACTS: ~1791 - The Flight to Varennes began. (For those of you who don't know, this escapade was a major event of the French Revolution.) ~1893 - Lizzie Borden is acquitted of murdering her stepmother and father. (Lizzie Borden took an axe, and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one.) ~2004 - Ken Griffey, Jr. becomes the 20th member of the 500 home run club with a home run at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, Missouri. (I love baseball, sue me.) BIRTHS: ~1899 - Jean Moulin, French Resistance leader (d. 1943) ~1909 - Errol Flynn, Australian actor (d. 1959) DEATH: ~451 - Theodorid, King of the Visigoths Sozyeah. Later, I'll post the other meme-thingy I'm supposed to. On pain of whine. xoxo__Ty

News [08 Apr 2006|03:18am] [ mood | wistful ] [ music | Flip Out (Like a Ninja) ] No, really. New room. New job. ... New computer. Fortehwin, this is the internets. Internets, meet Fortehwin (FORT-win). Know him. Love him. Cherish him. You'll be fast friends in no time. I pray to any gods that be, that with this series of 'new's comes a new outlook on life. Maybe I can be the person I want to be. Maybe finally I can make a break from the way things have always been and finally find something new. Something /right/. I've never had much truck with horoscopes. Read them from time to time, always found them to be worthless. But this month's issue of Shoujo Beat held some interesting omens for me: "Sometimes a fight is just a fight, a bad day at work is just that, and the hottie who winked at you has no romantic agenda. Some days, life just is what it is. If you can accept a lack of meaning with regard to the small stuff, you'll be more likely to recognize real meaning when it counts." "You're not responsible for people who aren't responsible for themselves. Helping people is one thing; mothering them is quite another. In the words of a particularly wise Valley Girl, 'This isn't working for me, so I'm leaving, and that's OK.'" Anyone who knows me at all will know why I found these so incredibly pertinent. Maybe the universe is finally giving me my chance. I don't need someone else if I've got the me I've always wanted, right? I keep trying to tell myself that. I'm okay, really. Mostly. Just my heart kind of hurts. But it's nothing new. I'll be just fine in the end. I want people to send Fortehwin random icons as a sort of welcoming present. Anything that reminds them of me, or that they think will make me smile. Just because. I like presents. So does Forte. xoxo__Ty

A few hours later... [07 Apr 2006|02:12am] I feel better. No more being sick. And I talked to coworker/friend Tommy. Rad Chris at Showmars (as opposed to Bastard Chris at Petsmart) isn't upset too much, apparently the people who pick up the phone at Showmars have a notoriously bad habit of NOT taking messages. I now have Rad Chris' cell number, to call in case of emergency like this morning. I'm sticking it out at Petsmart this weekend so those people can't mess up my life in the indeterminate future. My placement tests at CP tomorrow are going to rock, I'm going to be smart and remember things and test out of lower-level classes. I am going to finish my two-year degree at CP in three semesters or less. I am going to keep this full-time job at Showmars. I am going to continue on, to some school somewhere, hopefully to round things out as a language major and a business minor, to give me something to do with all these words in my head. Or maybe I'll end up becoming a teacher. Who knows, with my mind the way it is? Perhaps things will finally end up coming out right and I'll get all those stories inside my head out and on paper and printed for people that aren't me to see. Maybe I'll regain that conviction that everything is okay and that there's that one special person that loves me and that's nothing to feel guilty about and I will be happy with my body and my mind and my life. Maybe I'll make enough money for AZ and AMA and to see all the people that I want to see and to be all the people that I want to be, because really, it all comes back to money in the end, doesn't it? It all comes back to the give and take. I want to give everything I have to you. All of you. Even the yous I don't know. Maybe in giving up everything of myself, giving everything there is to give, I'll find the one part that can't be taken away. Maybe I can finally find that one piece of me that keeps me going even when everything seems to break inside, when everything falls apart and I can't seem to fix any of it. I want to fix it. I want to fix me. I want everything to be okay and to be right and I want to stop giving everything away until there's no part left for me. There isn't any me left for me, I don't think. I can't really tell. It all just feels empty inside. Is this outside bit the only part that's really mine? Even that isn't. It's constantly betraying me at every step of the way. Really, if I can't count on myself, who am I going to count on? There's really nowhere else for me to go. I have to remember me. Otherwise, everything else means nothing. Others' memories of me mean nothing if I don't remember myself. Memories fade, change, constantly. Nothing ever stays the same in thought or in form or in intent. Maybe I'm nothing more than a memory. Isn't there some part that's mine to keep? I give to everyone, no strings attached. And when they go their separate ways, I tell them to keep it. You can't take what is freely given, right? Give and ye shall recieve, and all that? No...Give. Give, give, give some more, until finally you realize that the piece that you're holding out in your open hands, the piece they're touching, the piece they're walking away with, that piece was the last one holding you together. There's nothing left anymore. You just fade away, and eventually all those pieces slowly fade as well, and there's nothing left of you. Not even a memory.

See-fii-roo-suuu.... [06 Apr 2006|06:19pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Future Freaks Me Out- Motion City Soundtrack ] I have a strange urge to wrap myself in a large black sheet, sharpie a number on my hand, and call that my cosplay. Seriously. All this worrying about cosplay and cons and everything is driving me batty. Not to mention that being sick today has caused me all sorts of unnecessary crap. Apparently my manager at Showmars didn't get the message that I'd called this morning, so that's bad. And then when I called into Petsmart, having been vomiting regularly since something like 2 am and not having slept save for an hour or so since the night BEFORE that, Chris gave me hell for it. I quote: "This is your last week, right? Thank god. I can't take any more of this shit. I'll expect a doctor's note when you come back. IF you come back. *click*" Fucker. Can't afford a doctor's visit, can I, since you guys screwed me out of any benefits? I can't afford to have fucked up both jobs. And all because my stomach suddenly decided to throw a party. Christ. I wish I weren't so fucking sick all the time. I hate it. I can finally keep food down now. That's a bonus. I really hope I didn't mess the Showmars thing up. I like it there. Petsmart can go to hell, the bastards. I'm thinking of giving them the finger and not going the last two days I have. They've screwed me out of enough time. What are they gonna do, fire me? And they're already paying me minimum wage, so, oh well. And, to top everything off, placements tests at CPCC tomorrow for the upcoming semester. Christ. Sometimes I wish I could just run away. Leave Charlotte. Start everything over fresh. Somehow, I have hope that it would be better that way. Nothing left to hold me down or pull me back. Either for better or for worse, I'd have to make my way without any sort of help or hindrance. Well-meaning or otherwise.

This weekend: [04 Apr 2006|12:07am] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | Emo Rangers theme ] 'Should' is a very relative term. Daylight savings time needs to go die. Cheating me out of an hour. "Voila! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is the vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what it once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance, a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicatite the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-a-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you, and you may call me V." "...Are you like a crazy person?" I told you I'd have it down by the time I got home. Just had to look up that first line. kekeke. This weekend was the best I've had in a very long time. Was it wrong of me to feel Every inch Every mile Every minute that parted us? Was it wrong to feel so close, but Know I was so far away? Minutes Hours Miles Day (only one) I miss you already. I know I shouldn't. Save the memory, shun the reality But I can't. I can't ever forget I can't ever stop wanting Is it wrong? I miss you.

Just not myself today [24 Mar 2006|11:09pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Cherry Poppin' Daddies--Evil Twin ] ( lyrics )

Cheesy pickup line -19479-3473-924781: [22 Mar 2006|07:28am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | You Are My Love--Tsubasa Chronicles ] "Your dad must of been a ninja, because he was able to pluck the stars right out of the sky and outroll everyone else in his party to put them in your eyes." — Mochisaru pick-up line xoxo__Ty

Farewell, free time. [20 Mar 2006|12:24am] [ mood | pondersome ] [ music | clicky keys and scratchy pens. ] In other news, I got a second job. Showmars at Northlake in the mornings, and then Petsmart in evenings. I think I'm going to die. But I need the money. Why does everything have to be so fucking economic? I hate capitalism, says the capitalist whore. Actually, I'm sublimely happy right now. xoxo__Ty

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